I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize