I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
