Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
