Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
