I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
