oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
