remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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