The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
