you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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