trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
