Whod you bang
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
