I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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