I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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