According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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