so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
