I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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