I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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