I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
