no, he came in my armpit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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