If that was your dad, he is hot
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
