i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
