never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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