He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
