so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
