at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize