it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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