I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
