she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
