i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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