Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
