I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
