Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
