I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
