even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i believe in u and ur pee
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
