Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
