Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Damn victory sex feels great
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
