so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've blown a few things in my day
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
