I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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