he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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