I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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