I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
