Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
