hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
