my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
