just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
