god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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