so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
