it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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