My room smells like vodka and shame
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
