mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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