Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
