plz talk dirty to me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
