I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
