Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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