When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
