I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
