Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
