I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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