Quick, to the slutcave!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
