I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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