i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am available for nakedness
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
