So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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