How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize