Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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