i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
