You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
