i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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