I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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