I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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