I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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