I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
