i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize