hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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