we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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