The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
