If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
