i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
